Revelations
by SVOC Luva
Summary: Set after Freak Nation. Fic number five in my Something Beautiful‘Verse. Alec and Max talk about Alec’s various trips to Psy Ops.


Title: Revelations

Fandom: Dark Angel

Pairing: M/A

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the characters. I sure wish I owned Alec though!

Summary: Set after Freak Nation. Fic number five in my Something Beautiful 'Verse. Alec and Max talk about Alec's various trips to Psy Ops.

**Warnings: This contains disturbing subject matter, it's not graphic but if you don't like it don't read. **

Max was worried about Alec, and maybe she shouldn't be… ah who the hell was she kidding, she had a damn good reason to be worried about him. After all she'd dropped a pretty big bomb shell on him last week. She know knew things about his past that he hadn't been ready to even think about let alone talk about. She knew that it was bothering him, and that he'd been thinking about things that had been done to him. At night he was having these terrible nightmares and when Max said terrible, she meant _terrible._

Alec was prone to nightmares anyway, he tended to have them at least once a week. But he handled those well, usually just wrapping himself around her tighter, his body trembling, or getting up to take these long showers to regain control of himself. These nightmares though, they were in a whole other league, he'd had them every night since the day she'd read his files in the Manticore database. He'd wake up screaming, saturated with sweat, and practically inconsolable. It took him a little over an hour to calm down, to realize that he was safe, even with her there, rubbing his back and running gentle fingers through his sweat soaked hair. When he'd finally calm he'd carefully extract himself from her before rushing into the bathroom as fast as his injured leg could carry him. He'd come out about forty five minutes later, freshly showered, steam billowing out of the bathroom behind him. He'd go over to their bureau and grab a fresh pair of boxers, slipping them on quickly. Then he'd slide back into bed with her, curling into her side and burying his face in the crook of her neck, muttering sorry over and over again, his warm tears wetting her neck. So, she'd hold him to her tightly, running a soothing hand through his silky dark blonde hair, while telling him he had nothing to be sorry for.

During the day there was none of that vulnerability, in fact the only indication that something was bothering him was his incessant cleaning. Which was beginning to get on her nerves. Admittedly he'd always been a bit of a neat freak, okay that was an understatement, but it wasn't easy to break a habit that had been drilled into you at an early age. It was one of those things from Alec's past at Manticore that was always going to stay with him. She understood, she really did, there were habits that she'd learned in Manticore that she couldn't break despite being on the outside for nearly twelve years. Now Alec, well he'd spent twenty years in that godforsaken place so of course it was more difficult for him to break those habits than it was for her. She remembers when she first found out what a neat freak he was, she'd known he was well organized and that he'd liked things to be clean, but she hadn't realized how important it was to him.

It had been a week after she'd comforted him that first time, and they'd been heading over to her apartment to watch a movie after a long days work. As he'd walked through the door he began assessing her apartment thoroughly. Before even a minute had gone by his face had twisted up in what she'd believed to be embellished disgust. Then he'd turned to her, eyebrows raised in question, asking in exasperation, "When was the last time you cleaned this dump Maxie?"

She'd rolled her eyes at him, speaking in annoyance, "God you're so melodramatic, its been a while, but it's not that bad. You should've seen the way mine and Cindy's place use to get sometimes."

"Okay Max, first off you should watch who you're calling melodramatic, because you… do you even listen to yourself sometimes? Ah what's that saying… oh I know, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. And secondly, it _is_ bad, how can you live in this environment? I mean I can barely stand my own apartment and it's as clean as I can I get it. I'm gonna clean this place.", he'd spoken, his voice deadly serious, with a bit of sarcasm thrown in for good measure.

She'd initially been flabbergasted by his little speech, but she'd recovered quickly. Shaking her head, she'd began shoving him toward the couch. "No way Alec, we're supposed to watch a movie.", she'd spoken her voice still conveying her annoyance.

"I can't watch a movie in this disaster of an apartment, this place looks like the aftermath of a ground zero!", he'd spoken, loudly as he gestured wildly at the expanse of the room.

"And you say you're not melodramatic, you're likening the _small_ mess in my apartment to the wreckage of the World Trade Center, for Christ sake! You know what, melodramatic isn't a strong enough word, I think obsessive compulsive is a better fit.", she'd huffed in full on exasperation, her face flushed. She'd looked down at her sneaker clad feet, trying to refrain from slapping him upside the head. She ran a frustrated hand through her rich chocolate brown tresses before looking at him again.

"I am not obsessive compulsive!", Alec had protested vehemently, the perfect picture of an indignant child. His arms had been crossed over his chest, his hair curled boyishly, his eyebrows furrowed, and his lower lip jutting out in a sullen pout. Max knew, had she not been so worked up that she'd have lapsed into a fit of giggles.

Instead she'd reacted like a child herself, yelling in a singsong voice, "Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!", he'd shouted back in righteous indignation. Looking back on it Max was surprised he hadn't stomped his foot.

She'd childishly shouted, "Are too!"

"Am not!", he'd insisted, firmly.

They'd both stood in a stand off, glaring at each other, and then their eyes had locked, vibrant green piercing dark brown. Looking into each other's eyes had seemed to snap them out of it, they'd suddenly realized how ridiculous their behavior was, and they'd lost it. The both of them had simultaneously burst into hysterical laughter, doubling over, allowing themselves to sink to their knees, and then they were rolling around on the floor laughing themselves breathless. Every time one of the managed to stop laughing they'd get a glimpse of the other and lose it all over again. After about thirty minutes they'd finally managed to calm down. Alec had turned to look at her, a soft smile on his face, and he spoke sincerely, "Truce."

Max had smiled back, speaking amiably, she reiterated, "Truce."

A moment later Alec had sprung up from the ground, then turned back to her, offering her a helpful hand. She'd taken it despite the fact that she could just as easily get up on her own. He'd smiled at her kindly, "Alright I'm willing to comprise with you, we'll watch the movie first, but then I'm cleaning your place."

She'd grinned, once again pushing him toward the couch, speaking in warning, "That's fine by me, but let me make something clear, stay out of my underwear drawer or I'll kick your ass pretty boy."

He'd smirked, jade eyes twinkling in amusement, "I wouldn't dream of it Maxie."

Max sighed, so yeah she usually didn't mind his _thing _about cleanliness, because he wasn't really obsessive compulsive, the habit of near perfect cleanliness was just deeply ingrained into him. He wasn't the kind of person who'd freak out if there was even just one little thing out of place, no he wasn't like that at all. And to be fair to him her apartment had been at least a little bit of a disaster at the time. She can't help but, wonder why he cares about cleanliness so much, whether it was a lesson he had to learn the hard way, or just something he's used to. Also another reason it didn't usually bother her was because it benefited her, she didn't have to lift a finger where cleaning their apartment was concerned. He handled all of that himself, and she was happy to let him, but this past week he'd been driving her up the wall. Whenever he wasn't otherwise occupied he was cleaning, and as far as Max was concerned their place was as clean as it was going to get, at least for the time being, seeing as they lived in Terminal City. The place was a fuckin' biohazard for Christ sakes, but Alec didn't seem to care, because here he was using a chisel to scrape the grime of their apartment walls.

"Baby would you just relax, you've been cleaning all day.", she spoke softly, eyeing him with concern. She watched as he sighed heavily, running his free hand through his dark blonde hair in frustration. He walked over to the sink, placing the chisel in it before coming over to sit next to her on the couch. She curled into his side and she was rewarded when he shot her a soft smile.

After a moment of comfortable silence he spoke quietly, his hazel-green eyes expressing bone deep weariness, "I'm sorry I've been so… weird this past week, I'm just having a hard time. I can't get everything out of my head and well I don't really wanna talk about it, but I think I have to."

"Well you know that I'm here, you can talk to me about anything.", she spoke, softly, her rich chocolate-brown eyes shining with sincerity.

"Yeah I know.", he spoke honestly, feeling the burning sting of tears in his eyes. He bowed his head, sighing heavily.

She reached out, gently lifting his chin, looking him in the eye. "Whatever you tell me, whatever I learn, it won't change the way I feel about you, or the way I look at you. Those things that happened to you, they don't make me pity you, if anything they make me proud of you. You, you've been through so much and you ended up this amazing man despite it. And I love you for it, for who you are, baggage and all. Okay?", she spoke softly, caressing his face tenderly.

He nodded, worrying his plump bottom lip before speaking softly, "Yeah okay."

After a pause, speaking in awe, "What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?"

She smiled kindly, speaking sincerely, "Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you."

Alec smirked, green-gold eyes sparkling with amusement, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah.", she answered, smiling contentedly, before leaning forward and kissing him tenderly.

He smiled at her when she pulled back, speaking softly, "Thanks."

She looked at him, brows furrowed, brown eyes shining with confusion, and questioned, "What for?"

"For just being here, being you.", he answered honestly, while reaching out and twining a strand of her rich brown hair around his fingers.

She smiled at him, speaking softly, "Well in that case your welcome."

"I think we should talk now, you know about Manticore, Psy Ops.", he said, quietly, eyeing her wearily.

"Okay.", she answered, with a nod, tucking a piece of unruly hair behind her ear.

"Uh… I guess I'll start from the beginning. I remember when they grabbed me from my unit, they told me and the other twins that because we have the same basic psychological makeup as the twelve of you, we were the greatest flight risk. Then they took us down to the basement and put us in solitary cells, I think they kept us in there for about a week. The cells were pretty small, especially with being used to the size of the barracks, there was no light, we weren't given any food or water, and there was no bed. It was dank and cold, and all there was, was silence. We didn't dare talk to each other for fear of getting in trouble. I remember how scared I was, I remember not understanding what I'd done wrong. I'd always been a good soldier, I'd always obeyed my orders, I'd never been in trouble before. I didn't understand why I was getting punished, I hadn't tried to escape, I hadn't even known I had a twin.", he spoke quietly, his voice tight with pain. Max reached out rubbing a comforting hand up and down his back.

After a moment he continued, his voice wavering slightly, "When they finally let us out, I thought it was over, I thought I'd be able to go back to my unit. But of course that didn't happen, Colonel Lydecker and the TAC Officers brought us to this room, and they yelled at us for what seemed like hours. They told us we were nothing, expendable, and that we were going to have to prove that we were good soldiers. They told us that everything that was going to happen to us was your unit's fault, that we had to prove we weren't traitors like the twelve of you.

Not too long after the scientists and doctors started with their experiments. There were all kinds of surgeries, I don't really know what they were for. Sometimes they'd knock me out for them, other times they'd just use a local anesthetic, and then sometimes they wouldn't use anything at all. It hurt so bad, I could feel the pain racking through my body and sometimes I couldn't hold back the screams. They didn't react at all, it was like they couldn't hear me, but it was just that they didn't care. It was scary laying there on that table, and having to… to let them do whatever they wanted to me, to see and feel those surgical instruments cutting into me. They tested my healing abilities, sometimes with the surgeries other times by burning me, beating me, breaking my bones, and one time they even shot me."

He sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair, speaking again, his voice soft, "They also tested all kinds of chemical and viral agents on me. When they'd do the chemical tests they'd put me in the Box, make it as small as it could go, so small that I couldn't even move, and spray the chemicals in through these special holes in the top. Then they'd leave me there alone, in the dark and feeling sick from the chemicals. They'd keep me in there for days at a time, they documented my vitals and reactions every hour. The testing with the viral agents was practically the same, the only difference was that they didn't put me in the Box. I was experimented on longer than the others, I was the only CO, I guess they wanted to see if I could handle the pressure. Probably even more so, seeing as Ben had shown signs of being an anomaly. None of the others would have been able to handle it for that long, hell some of them couldn't even handle the standard six months. They either died from the experiments or they were euthanized because they'd gone crazy."

"Then there was the endurance tests, which was to see what things we could handle physically. It sucked, they would starve me, not let me have any water, and I wasn't allowed to sleep. Then I'd have to go in the tank, or fight one of the others, and also hold these weights for hours at a time. It was really hard because I was pretty weak, and if me or any of the others fucked up we'd get beat.", he spoke, softly.

"Anyway after that came re-indoctrination, which I think you know about, right?", he asked, one eyebrow raised in question.

"I went through a little bit during my second stay at Manticore.", Max answered, honestly.

"Well back then, in '09, it was mostly just the laser, and them drilling it into our heads that you guys were traitors, and you know all that discipline, duty, mission crap.", he said, quietly, absentmindedly picking at a loose thread on the couch cushion.

"Yeah, I remember.", she said, her voice just as quiet as his, her eyes unfocused as images of the past invaded her mind.

"Yeah, well after I got out of there Lydecker and the TAC officers didn't seem so scary anymore, the doctors and scientists made them seem almost… nice.", he said, his eyebrows furrowed at what he thought was an inadequate description.

Max nodded, her soulful brown eyes conveying her understanding. "Is your fear of doctors and medical tests the reason you're so uneasy when you're in the med bay?', she questioned, sounding curious.

"Yeah, I guess.", he answered with a heavy sigh.

After a pause, he spoke softly, his head bowed, "It's not that I don't trust Doc, Lena, Mara, and Quinn, because I do. It's just that medical type stuff freaks me out, makes me think about things I don't wanna think about, no matter what circumstances they're under. Like, even if the doctor is nice, it's still scares me. And I know, it's stupid and it's weak, but… "

She cut him off, grabbing his chin firmly, lifting it so he was looking her in the eye. "Listen to me Alec, it's not weakness, it's humanity. It's okay to be afraid sometimes, and Alec your fear is a valid one, with you having gone through all those horrible experiments. Anybody in that situation would be scared of doctors, hell I'm scared of doctors and I haven't been hurt by them nearly as much as you have. You're a strong person Alec, you're not weak, do you understand me.", she spoke firmly, passionately.

Alec nodded, "I understand."

"Good.", she said, softly, leaning forward and kissing him tenderly on the forehead. When she moved back, she looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue talking.

"The next time I ended up in Psy Ops I was sixteen. I know I never told you this, but I'm not Ben's clone I'm his twin, you know a real one. I was an accident, story of my life huh? Anyway the docs wanted to see if we had some kind of twin connection or something. They kept putting me in this hypnotic state to see if I could figure out where he was, it must have been after he committed his first murder, that's probably why they were so desperate. The thing is, there _was _a connection, I didn't figure out where he was or anything, but I caught glimpses of what he was seeing, and sometimes I could feel what he was feeling, you know like his emotions.", he spoke quietly, jade eyes watching for her reaction.

"Wow… just wow.", she spoke in awe, not really knowing how to respond.

"I know it's weird… um… I felt it when he died, like this part of me just knew. I don't really know how to explain it... I just knew.", he spoke softly, his hazel-green eyes boring into Max's chocolate-brown ones.

"That's… it's amazing. I'm sorry that you never got to meet him, I mean he's your brother, your twin brother for Christ sakes. Maybe if he'd had you he wouldn't have gone crazy, I bet you guys would've been close.", she spoke softly, a sad smile on her face.

"Yeah it would've been nice to have been close to him, I mean from what you've told me it sounds like he was a great kid.", he responded, a sad smile on his face, hazel-green eyes shining with sincerity.

"Yeah, he was.", she said, head bowed, as she fidgeted with the thread that Alec had been picking at earlier.

There was an awkward silence before Max sighed heavily, speaking softly, "So, back to what you were saying before."

He sighed heavily, before continuing on with his earlier train of thought, his voice shaky, "Not too long after that, Agent Sandoval told me my evaluation was over and I had a mission to go on. I didn't find out until later, but the mission was just some kind of sick Psy Ops test to see if they could break me. Sandoval brought me to this guy, Gregory Thompson's hotel room, he said the guy was a big shot, and that he needed the best of the best for this mission and the best was me. So, he left me there and Greg was going to brief me on the mission. He… he invited me in, told me to make myself comfortable, that he was going to get us drinks and he'd be right back. Then we could get down to business. I didn't realize that he'd put anything in my drink until it was too late."

He sighed heavily, bowing his head to avoid looking at her, once again picking at the loose thread sticking out from the couch cushion. He spoke quietly, softly, his voice so low that she was practically straining to hear him, "He was briefing me on the mission and I started to feel weird, you know, out of sorts. The next thing I know he's dragging me into the bedroom and dropping me on the bed. He… he… he took my clothes off and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried… to get away, but I couldn't see straight, my vision was swimming, and I couldn't really move, my muscles wouldn't cooperate. He was holding me down, his nails digging into my forearms, and then he was touching me all over. He wasn't even the slightest bit gentle, he was biting me everywhere, marking me and it hurt.

She watched him gasp loudly, his muscles straining, his whole body trembling, as he whispered brokenly, "Then he… he was spreading my legs, and touching me, and then he… he…"

Max watched as he choked back a sob, before reaching out, and pulling him against her, holding him tightly. She could feel his body trembling, his muscles straining as he tried to fight back his emotions. She began carding her left hand through his silky soft hair, and rubbing her right hand up and down his back soothingly. "You don't have to talk anymore, you... you did really good baby. You… your safe now, nobody's gonna hurt you like that ever again, I won't let them.", she spoke softly, gently, before tenderly kissing the top of his head.

A few minutes later he pulled back, swiping at his teary eyes none to gently. She pulled his hands away from his face, wiping away the remaining tears lovingly. When she let her hands drop he shot her a small smile, speaking softly, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry.", she responded, as she ran gentle fingers through his hair.

"'Kay.", he said, tiredly, his eyes closing from the comfort her touch inspired.

"So, how about we head to bed, I think all that talking tired you out.", she said, a soft smile on her face.

He nodded sleepily, and the both of them got up , heading into the bedroom. They quickly got into bed, Alec curling into her side. Max sighed heavily before pressing a kiss to Alec's soft hair. Ten minutes later had them both sound asleep.

AN: Sorry that this took me so long to write, I hope that it was worth the wait. Please review it's very much appreciated, constructive criticism is always welcome.

Thanks,

Alaina


End file.
